Crazy Lawsuit Game

*Cue that song they play for the president*

My fellow grad students, it is with great pleasure that I accept the office of President of the chemistry grad student what not. Yada yada yada, I'm cool.

But I do have some good idears for things to do this year. I'll share them later. First we have to get through exams next week.

Today at noon is the closing of election day for the officers of the (sensored for internet searches) My field of science graduate student org. But I'm running for president of this org and I'm fairly confident in a victory. I just need to see who the other officers are going to be. Two friends of mine are running against each other for VP, so either way is cool, but I do know who I want to win and I hope she does. But I have a few ideas up my sleeve and should be fun for everyone. Just need to see how much money we have in the bank account.

Our org is really unique in that we don't need funding from anyone else. We have a little scam going. The underclassmen need lab coats for lab. They also need safety goggles. The bookstore doesn't sell the goggles required for our lab. They also sell nice lab coats that run about $25, but they're worth it if you're a chem major and you know that you will need it for the rest of your scholastic career, if not your entire life.

So we order boxes of goggles and lab coats, mark up the price, and sell them for a tidy profit that finances the rest of the years festivities.

Last night was the grad student senate dinner and the entire health insurance committee received awards and honorariums, which is cool and unexpected but obviously welcome. So that money is going into the "I need tires fund".

The sports car club awards dinner was also last night, no I didn't eat twice, I ate once for free at the other banquet, and since it was a little later than the other and slightly delayed thanks to some miscommunications with a local restaurant, Riviera (which has an awesome mediterranean buffet on the first Tues. of every month if you're in the neighborhood and want some excellent hummus and baklava), but I showed up to that one also and got a trophy for coming in 2nd in my class for the whole year of autocrossing. Yes I dominated my class at everyone attended, but I didn't attend enough, so I got 2nd.

Had a tiny adventure on the way to catch the bus this morning.

Joan was extra sleepy and took today off, so she made it extra hard for me (no pun intended) to get out of bed this morning. So finally 9 am rolls around and I get up and shower. Tercel still being broken, nope didn't work on her yesterday cuz it was raining, we were discussing how I should get to work. Joan wanted the car to run some errands and I wanted the car so I wouldn't have to ride the bus. And Joan had to go to work at 3, other job, so I went to catch the 10:32 bus. I had breakfast and watched some Futurama, I'm not that slow in the morning.

Usually the bus is like clockwork, 8:02 am it shows up, 8:32 am it shows up, but apparently, it gets a little faster later in the day, so as I'm walking to the bus stop at 10:30 am, I see it go flying by. I wave my hands but to no avail. Shit. I can either get Joan to drop me off (not bloody likely) or I can wait till the 11 am bus (no book to read, so that ain't gonna happen). Then I remembered the creek. The creek at the bottom of our parking lot in a mini-ravine. The other side of this mini-ravine leads up to another apartment complex that the bus goes by about 5-6 minutes after he goes by our house.

So seeing that as my best option for getting to school at a reasonable hour, I drop into the gorge. Crap, it rained yesterday so the creek is up. Should I look for an easier place to cross? Shit, no time and there isn't a better place in viewing distance. Damn, should've worn my Gortex boots. So I jump and only put one shoe and part of my jeans in the creek and then only get splashed a few time by bushes hanging on to their rainwater, seemingly just to get me more wet. So I pop out onto the asphalt and wait about a minute and then the bus comes and I get on and make it to school.

And my jeans are almost dry now.

Rode the bus this morning. Mostly because Tercel is still broken and I didn't work on her any yesterday. I know, me slacking, shocking.

But I plan on doing it today. I couldn't get the fuel hoses off the pump cover, so I sprayed some WD-40 and hopefully that loosened them up enough. If I can't get those off, then to the shop she goes. I should go ahead and schedule an appointment actually since I know that this probably is not going to work.

I need tires. Okay, I want tires. The ones now are okay, but I want newer, nicer tires.

And a helper monkey. Named MoJo.

I need to download my pictures also. I have stuff on there from a while ago. And I haven't posted any pictures in ages. Or played Halo 2 online. Where the hell is my time going?

We had an autocross Sat. and Sun. but I only drove on Sat. cuz I don't really have any tires that I can race on. For Sat. it was 2 mismatched tires up front, 16s, and my "street" tires, 15s, in the back. For my front wheel drivin Focus, the front tires get eaten up and didn't want to wear down my street tires any faster than I already do. And my new suspension was AMAZING! It was so nice not to have crazy body roll going into turns. And with the adjustable shocks, it's soft enough for everyday driving and then can be hard enough for some autocrossing/hard driving. So I'm 100% pleased with them. Now I just need some tires. Both street and racing.

I won my class by over 3 seconds, which is alot in the racing world. Here is a linko to the results. RESULTS! please notice the name Marc Osgood. He's nasty and his Civic is nasty. He is by far the fastest guy in our club. As proof, note his time in 6th in the CC1 car. (that stands for Club Car 1 which is an old Mazda RX-7 with a nice suspension and race tires. He is almost 2 seconds faster than the next fastest person in that car. Holy shit. But I won class G, which is cool, and might get a season trophy for G but I doubt it. I didn't go to any of the autocrosses the first semester, so that's probably out. But watch out for next year. I'm gonna move up a class once I get my race tires and a couple other things done to Focus, and then will dominate that class, just like Andy (Andrew on the results page) in his Protege.

But in all fairness I must tell you that he's usually the only person in F, so my domination should be easy since he's leaving it once he gets his turbo on that thing. That's gonna be one fast Protege.

Rode the bus to school this morning and noticed a reward for a lost Shih Tzu. $500 reward. So I'm thinking about becoming Seth Ventura: Pet Detective. Hmmm, that doesn't sound too bad. Seth Ventura. I think it's the t's and the e's.

Almost missed the bus too. Making my lunch sandwiches took a little longer than I planned. And pretzels. And some water. And the Kite Runner. And that's my lunch. Care to join me? Just keep it down.

And in honor of Smoove's new RSX Type S, some pictures:
Pretty!
Mmmmm, Greddy Turbo Kit
Got rice?
Realtime Racing RSX, wicked awesome

I hope that everyone does something eco-friendly today. Because if you do it today, it washes away all the bad eco-shenanigans that you did for the rest of the year.

Right? Or if not, then that's what we could make it. Occasionally Clemson has a "waste amnesty day" where you can turn in all your waste and not get charged for it. So of course everyone waits for those days to turn in all their crap. In fact, we have about 4 boxes of chemicals that are either worthless or we don't use anymore. So I'm hoping we have a waste day coming up pretty soon. I'm tired of seeing it sitting here.

Talking about chemical waste on Earth Day. At least we haven't poured it down the sink. But maybe it would create an actual Blinky? Sounds like a job for a geneticist, or a mad scientist.


I also wrote a page essay for Joan about why she wants to be a teacher. It's not bad for 20 minutes of work. Not sure if I should post it up here, but if you want, leave your email in the comments section and I'll email it to you. Or email me (it's in my profile) and I'll then I'll give it to you.

I wish I had a good sherpa yarn to weave.

The Graduate Student Government Senate meeting was last night. It was the first meeting for the new administration but there was still some important items voted on.

A parking fee increase was proposed and passed. It would eventually raise our parking fee to $134/year with a 3 year phase in. Currently we pay $67/year for parking which compared to other top 32 public universities, is ridiculously low. The parking director read some other figures off for parking fees at other schools and it was pretty obvious that we needed to increase the fees. The fees are going to go towards building some new parking decks.

A transit fee was proposed to help pay for the free CATbus service that goes around Clemson and to neighboring communities. This would've been a fee of $33.50/semester to help pay for new CATbuses, implementation of 24/7 service, and expansion of local routes. Their plan is for Clemson to become a pedestrian only campus one day and these two fees go hand in hand to help make that a reality. This did not pass. I'm not even sure anyone voted for it. Maybe one or two.

The third proposed concerned health insurance. It was a resolution to thank the dean of grad students for getting us the subsidy and to possibly raise it another $150. But there was some concern from a few students that the subsidy is only for university assisted grad students (like me) but all grads are required to have health insurance. I'm not sure that issue had come up before. Personally I always thought that anyone not on assistantship was taking out loans and would just have to take out another grand, but I forgot about the people who can't do that. But she is going to be at the meeting tonight, so we can get her side of the issue. I haven't even asked our committee if anyone wasn't on assistantship. (I think we all are which is probably why we weren't too concerned with the non-assisted. Damn myopia) But hopefully she'll get involved and provide us with that point of view. Eventually the plan is for Clemson to pay for everyone's health insurance and this is the first step, but it's a hard first step.

Another concern raised was the subsidy only going towards Clemson's health insurance plan. And there is no way in hell that's gonna change. Clemson is not going to give our money to some other shady health insurance agency. We have our own shady agency and are partially self funded, so all our premiums go into a pot and claims are paid out of that and any excesses, we get to keep, so there'e no way they're going to give you money if you're not going to give it back.

All in all, it went pretty well and hopefully we can address these concerns and make everyone "happy" or happy as possible given our current situation.

I just finished reading Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting and I liked it. Not sure if I liked the movie or book better, but they're basically two different stories. They have a few similarities but are very different. The movie makes the characters seem a little happier and less dark than the book portrays them.

It was an even day yesterday in the way of carma karma.

Put the new suspension on the Focus, which is amazing and would recommend to anyway who hates the way their car rolls in turns. And all with only a couple snags.

Tercel died again. Luckily Joan was in town and it wasn't a big deal and a nice guy, who was kinda cute according to Joan, helped her push Tercel through the stoplight and into a parking spot where I passed her this morning on the CATbus. But we did a little research and figured that it was a failing fuel pump that would pose the symptoms that we were experiencing. So we're gonna call around and hopefully get that fixed this weekend. Poor Tercel.

And Wilkommen Neue Popenspiele! Welcome to the new Pope Benedict the 16th or XVI for all the Romans. Joseph Ratzinger is the new German pope. Let's hope he doesn't have any WWII flashbacks while in office.

Sorry about yesterday. I was a tad disenchanted by democracy. Personally I lean towards socialism, but Joan was able to convince me that libertarianism is where it's at.

I don't really know, but I do know that I'm sick of having only two choices for presidency. Yes there were 8 to 10 candidates on the ballot but I don't know what's going to have to change for them to get more votes. So I'm going to vote how I want and not what I think is best for the country. Mostly cuz the country doesn't care about me. As long as I pay my taxes, they don't care about me.

Joan doesn't like paying taxes and who does, but the answer is not moving to Europe. They pay exorbitant taxes, but I've never lived there and don't know. Or South America would be cool.

But another country is sounding pretty good. And chemists can work anywhere which is awesome. Because Cu is Cu everywhere, even in China. It's very weird seeing a textbook full of Chinese symbols and then out pops P or K or Cu.

And speaking of China, has everyone heard about this? See what happens when you don't apologize for your wartime atrocities? It's comes back to bite you in the ass. For more info on that topic, please check out a post I made in March, but my March archives aren't working. So let me check on that and I'll hyperlink it later.

And please remember the atrocities that happened on this date in 1995 in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

So, I emailed my House Representative last week, asking that he vote NO for the Death Tax Repeal Permanancy Act. I get an email today from MegaVote from Congress.org and it informs me that Rep. J. Gresham Barrett voted YES on that bill.

Sure and now I know why Joan hates politics. Because they only look out for Numero Uno. They don't care what I think. They don't care how I would vote on something. At all. Not one little bit.

Here is a breif synopsis of what this Act would mean. Basically, any estate of over 1.5 million dollars is now exempt from any extra taxation. Phew, my cool 1.5 mil is safe for when I die. And here is a happy article from the National Foundation of Independent Business for the flip side of the issue. Capitalism Rulz!

Motherfuckers. I hope they choke on those greenbacks.

And here from MiddleClass.org (gonna link that in the sidebar) is the report card for Congressman from South Carolina. Mine is Barrett unfortunately. F is good right?

This'll be fast. I need to go weld my tubes close and then get them under 580 degree Celsius and 20,000 PSI.

I was watching The L Word last night on the Showtime. There was a scene where 2 characters, both women and lesbians coincedentally, were taking a shower together. One hops out and uses the restroom. The shot is from below the knee as to not upset people. Then the other hops out and sits on top of the other girl and also uses the restroom. Sex ensues as does the show.

But do people really do this? Jump out of the shower to use the restroom? I'm sure this discussion has circulated before, maybe even here, but it's time for a rehashing. And speaking of hash, the magical day of 4/20 is almost upon us, and in a twist of irony, it's dry, for me at least. But there are others who will carry on the tradition of this underground holiday.

The pipes in your household presumably go to your cistern or out to the sewage pipes and then mix with your neighbors what not and goes to the sewage treatment plant that is behind my house. Personally I believe in the power of dilution. Urine is mostly water anyway, so add to it the 40 gallons that come out of your showerhead, and there is not much urea left compared to water. Yes, some stuff can still kill or cause disease in quantities that small, but not pee. People even drink pee. Luckily I don't know any of those people and don't have to smell their, I can only imagine, horrible breath.

So please help me. Why do people not pee in the shower? Not public cuz I don't want to stand in your pee either, but your at home shower that you clean once a month?

I ordered my new Focus suspension today! I'm crazy excited! They look like
And of course I will get a before/after shot so you can see the Focus riding low. But the guy at BAT Inc. actually talked me out of getting the 50 mm (a little more than 2") springs and instead get the 35 mm (about 1.5"). The 50's drop your car alot and then you run into ground clearance issues and also camber adjustment becomes an issue. So I went with the 35's and hopefully I'll be pleased. But I think with how well the springs and adjustable struts affect my handling, I won't give a shit that my car isn't slammed to the ground. And the way I drive, I need all the ground clearance I can get.

And there is an autocross next weekend, so I will get a chance to give the new set-up a good run through.

Lifetime fluorescence istrument broke during training for the 4th time now. Sure glad I didn't spend the hundred grand on that thing. Here's a picture of it, so that you can see what I'm talking about. As if this clears it up for anyone, including me.

I was debating whether to title this Jupiter part 2, but decided to finish out the series instead. The nine planets, not in order.

Yesterday there was a vendor fair on campus. It was VWR's. Don't know what that stands for but they're a huge company that sells lab supplies and chemicals to anyone who needs them, so me and Regan and any other scientists out there. They also provided lunch and what a spread it was. Cole slaw, potato salad, bread, cheese, coldcuts, fried chicken, donuts, danishes, brownies (brown and blonde) and it was all very very good. And they had lots of chicken left over so I grabbed a plate for Joan on my way out. No door prizes but left feeling full and good about the Chemistry Departments relationship with VWR.

Today was another vendor fair. This time put on by Fisher Scientific. Another lab supply and chemical company. "Lunch" was also provided. And you the astute reader, surely notices the air quotes around lunch. They were barely finger foods. Whatever it was, it was put on the table at 11:30 am. I got there about 11:50 am and by that time there were no crackers for the dip left. All the 7 layer dip and tortilla chips were gone. About 1/8 of a large bowl of Chex mix and several trays of those stupid tiny sandwiches that are served at stuffy meetings and wedding receptions. So I ate about 12 of the tuna/chicken salad ones and 2 of the pimento cheese ones, just to remind myself that I do in fact, hate pimento cheese. I like cheese, love it really, but those pickled peppers or whatever they are, make it too crazy for my taste buds.

Whoa, stream of conciousness, I read an article on a new type of taste bud discovered in 1907 by Professor Kikunae Ikeda
The new taste bud is called umami and is found in foods like

these.

Just thought I'd share. So there are now 5 official senses and taste zones. And VWR luncheons are much better than Fisher's.

And check out how much bank this guy made from selling his property in the Everglades to the man.
He paid $60 grand for it in 1976 and sold it for $4.95 million. I just hope he can find another refuge for his simple life. And that is an increase of 8,250% if I did my math right. That is a nice return.

I have my meeting with the health center folks in about 45 minutes and I need to print some things out and make copies, so this'll be quick.

Maybe that'll be it.

Saw in my NYTimes daily e-mail that today is the anniversary of Abe Lincoln's infamous trip to Ford's Theatre where he was shot by John Wilkes Booth and died the next day. That happened on April 14, 1865.

Also saw that the FDA has decided to sign off on silicone breast implants, but only from one company, Mentor Corporation. So I say invest in them, but get out in about 3-4 months. I know this deal isn't going to last long. Personally I feel that the "sickness" caused by breast implants is all in their head. The mind is very powerful and it can trick you, so be 100% sure that you want those stupid things in your boobs. But I'm also not a doctor, so who knows?

PETA is not going to like this post.

Let's first intro my post with this news story I saw this morning on the ol' CNN.com
Wisconsin takes step to OK wild cat hunts

This does not mean mountain lions, or cougars, or any big cats. This means domesticated cats that got free and are now "wild". "The proposal would allow licensed hunters to kill free-roaming cats, including any domestic cat that isn't under the owner's direct control or any cat without a collar..."

So if you live in Wisconsin and own a cat, DO NOT let it go outside. At all. Sure they're not supposed to shoot something with a collar but you think some drunken redneck is going to pull out the binoculars to see if Fluffy has a collar or not? And it isn't like those collars are welded on to the cats either.

But before it goes into effect, the results, released Tuesday by the state, get forwarded to the Natural Resources Board for its consideration. Ultimately, though, any measure would have to be passed by the Legislature and signed by Gov. Jim Doyle.

At least two other upper Midwestern states, South Dakota and Minnesota, allow wild cats to be shot -- and have for decades.

Every year in Wisconsin alone, an estimated 2 million wild cats kill 47 million to 139 million songbirds, according to state officials. Despite the astounding numbers, the proposal has been met with fierce opposition from cat lovers...

So it's a bird thing? Sounds like a cat pissed someone important off and now there's hell to pay.

I don't think I've ever mentioned this before but Catt's post from yesterday jogged my memory when she mentioned that Little One wanted to get a rabbit. This is a horrible horrible idea. After months of rabbit sitting, from Aug. '03 to March '04, I have learned that rabbits serve two purposes on this earth: 1) To fertilize everything by constantly shitting, 2) To serve as a replenishable food source for anything higher in the food chain. That's it.

But if you do decide to get a rabbit, get it from a breeder or a trusted pet store. Ours, named Bunny coincedentally, was rescued from a 2nd grad classroom where I assume it was mistreated and poorly handled and cared for. So then we get this thing and it eats through phone wires, shits all throughout the house, pissed on our bed, chewed on electrical wires (never long enough though), and was generally a pest. There were a few good times when it would be on our bed, sleeping or letting us pet it, that it was great but she was so moody that the good times never lasted long. And I attempted to punish it for doing bad things. Like once when I saw it was chewing on our carpet, I dove behind it onto the ground and said NO! It jumped about 2 feet in the air and then ran into its house/guest bathroom. It also dug up the carpet in any corner it had access to.

I believe the worst I ever did was I punted it across the room after it peed on our bed. But she got revenge though. We were playing one morning and I was done and was walking to the living room and it slashed me with her teeth on the back of the leg. Nothing real bad, but I had a nice scratch for about 2 weeks. I wanted to do the right thing and release it back into the wild but no one else thought that was a good idea.

So I am 100% against rabbits as pets, despite the few heart-warming accounts of people who owned rabbits and loved them; there are better pets out there. Please go find one and leave those rabbits to their duties of pooping and dieing.

Eh, nothing to really say today. I sold Clio, my '93 Saturn SL2, on Sunday. It hurts and now I don't have a car since Tercel is still dead at Publix, so I have ridden the bus to school the past two days. I will probably keep doing it when I get Tercel back too. Maybe not everyday, but most. Gas prices and all.

Don't know how this story slipped through the cracks, but Morty Seinfeld died, or the actor who portrayed him, Barney Martin. He was 82 and died of cancer, didn't say what kind.
CNN article on Barney Martin

Trying to plan a meeting between the health insurance committee and the health center people and it's a clusterfuck of contradicting schedules, but this meeting needs to happen. We need to get the word out that supported grad students, if you're paid by the university, will have to buy insurance. Not necessarily from Clemson, but you don't get any monetary help if you don't. They've allocated $125/semester and we're guesstimating the premiums to be around $1000. But we need to get this info out so that everyone has time to save up or make other arrangements for how they're going to pay for this. Yes it's gonna get ugly but it's for our own good. And Clemson is also working on increasing the subsidy each year so one day we won't pay for it at all, and they'll pay for our tuition also. Yes we have to pay tuition. It's around $1000/semester right now. And we're trying to bust into the top 20 public universities. Riiiight. We're in the wrong state to be in the top 20. South Carolina is way too poor to support a top research university. So professors, keep writing those grant proposals.

My pinky is healing nicely. Now just have to wait on the nail to regrow, so I'm guessing 2-4 weeks on that. Joan's condition has cleared up and we used a bright yellow Lifestyle condom that we got free from the health dept. We now have assorted colors and could match my mood if I so wanted. I was not feeling yellow last night but I suppose my penis was.

Joan censored me in the post below. I suppose she didn't want her personal bizness for the world to see. I tried to tell her that Regan had already covered that subject, including yogurt, but she didn't seem to care. So I got censored but at least there is no fine.

Sold my baby yesterday. Clio is no longer with us. I sold her to some guy who lives in Williamston, which is near Anderson. He paid me $200 and then will pay installments of $100 for 4 weeks beginning next week. I kept the title but forgot to write down his driver's license number or address. Whoops, hope that doesn't bite me in the ass. I still have the title, so that's a plus. And technically, it's still on my insurance, but I'm gonna call about that in a second. But I miss her already.

Saw Sin City last night. Good and I liked the color/black and white deal. Very cool and who doesn't like prostitute ninjas? There could've been a little more character developement but that's hard when you're telling 3 stories in one movie. But I think they got the idea that the main guys were good across fairly well. And holy schnikes Jessica Alba was smokin in that movie. All of them were, except for the daughter on Gilmore Girls. She was hot but she was a traitor, and no amount of hotness will counteract that. Also really wanted a cigarette while watching the movie, but that's just cuz everyone in the movie was smoking and I'm young and impressionable that way.

Ah yes. Rode the CATbus to school this morning, not out of choice, but of necessity. Tercel broke down last week and I tried to fix her to no avail, so we're bringing in the professionals. But we have to get Tercel towed back up here. Currently we have Cingular roadside and Joan has AAA. Yes we're going to cancel one, but right now we actually might need both. It's about 19 miles from Tercel and Publix to the shop in Clemson, technically Pendleton, and Cingular covers $50, however far that'll get you. So we might have to double up on towing, which sucks because in my experience, tow truck drivers are not the fastest people in the world.

Maybe I should've introed with the bus and movie thing, then moved into penis talk, but I think the penis stuff grabs the attention.

Going to work on the Tercel again tonight and hopefully I can keep the rest of my fingernails intact.

I went with Joan to the County Health Dept. yesterday. She was getting a check-up and a subscription for birth control. Turns out she also has some [censored by Joan] and was prescribed some antibiotics also. But they gave her a card that lets her get BC for free for 2 years! Awesome. Screw private doctors, public health is where it's at. And the drugs and doctor's fee came to $16. We don't need no stinking health insurance. But I suppose if we ever do actually get hurt, then we will. But the wheels are in motion to require all university supported grad students to buy health insurance. I'm just hoping I don't get lynched next semester. And I hope that Redfern and the grad school do a wonderful job of releasing the information that we will have to buy it and that's it's a good thing that we have to. I'm so glad that I'm chairman of the health insurance committe so my name will go on documents and irate grad students will contact me. But hopefully my name won't get out. But it probably will. We'll deal with that once we get there.

Our apartment is rarely clean, and I mean spotless company clean. We clean and then 20 minutes later, crap everywhere. Don't know how it happens. Then I stopped by a friend's house yesterday, he and his roommate used to be my roommates when we rented that house, and their apartment was immaculate. It was scary. I mean hospital sterile. I would've gladly eaten off the kitchen floor. I know that they're both mild clean freaks, so I should've expected it, but this was amazing. I wonder how they do it. Do they leave papers at work? What do they do with their mail? Read it then throw it away? File it? But I think I have narrowed down the problem. I see the entire apartment as my room. When I was a kid, we could mess up our rooms and generally keep them messy. But the living room and dining room, no way, you cleaned stuff up immediately. Occasionally a glass was left or maybe a plate, but when they were found, we had to go pick them up and put them in the kitchen NOW!

So maybe that's what I have to do to keep our living room clean. Think of it as a clean room and the mess stays in the bedroom. Just a theory.

I ripped off about 1/8th of my right pinky nail last night while working on Joan's car, the '92 Toyota Tercel. But I did get the fuel filter in yet that did not solve the problem. It still sounds like it isn't getting any gas. So I'll be going back there tomorrow after work to work on it some more. I'll check the fuel pump to see if it's working and then I have no idea what to do.

Not sure if I've mentioned it before but about 3 years ago, Joan's father decided it would be a good idea to give Joan a present. She was asking for a new car and instead of buy her one, he invested some money into Tercel. This came in the form of a $1400 sound system and car alarm. The sound system is nice and enjoy it very much so, even if they did use too large of speakers in the door and you can't roll the window down all the way. But it's the fucking car alarm that I have the issues with.

First of all, it talks. Viper is armed. This vehicle is protected by Viper, please step away. And of course it's very loud and unexpected coming from the POS that Tercel is even though I love her. And he apparently paid an additional $75 so that it would talk. Whatever. We have had nothing but problems with that stupid thing. First it would stay off like it should. Then it would turn on without us doing anything and yelling Viper at anyone getting near it. Then as I was working on it last night, I hooked up the battery and the alarm went off and would not stop. So I yanked off the wires connecting the speakers for the voice and alarm and that's when I destroyed my nail.

This is also not the first time that nail has taken a beating. Ages ago when we lived in our house on Mountaindale Rd in Birmingham, hence the hooker/drag queen name Trixie Mountaindale, I was standing at the back door. It was open as my brother was going outside. We were both standing, talking with our parents and then he closed the door. I don't remember it being very hard, but for some reason, I had my pinky sitting on the door jamb and my pinky got pinched. Ouch. Another time, also my brother I think, my pinky got slammed in a car door and that's when it turned blue and basically died. Went to the hospital and they said that it would eventually come off and grow back. Gross, but okay. So a few weeks go by and that nail is still hanging on and the skin underneath is basically healed. We go to Aladin's Castle, video arcade and not sure if they still exist, and I'm playing skee ball cuz skee ball's awesome and I was collecting tickets so I could get some worthless crap. But I loved skee ball, just like God in Dogma. So I'm reaching in for a ball and go to pull my hand out when RIP, my fingernail comes off except for a small dangly piece of flesh. But my finger is already healed so it doens't hurt and actually I'm relieved because I have no more black and purple pinky nail and my new pink one can grow in.

These are the tails of woe for my poor right pinky.

Gotta present in group meeting this afternoon, so I'll be working on that all day.

Someone nominated me for president of the Chemistry Graduate Student Organization. Not sure if I want it. We're a rather informal group anyway and I have just as much input on things that we do as secretary, so I'm not sure the bump up to president would be worth the extra work. If there is any extra. Suppose I need to chat with the current president. Personally vice-president sounded pretty good, but we'll see. I have until April 14th to make my final decision.

And I was also named chairman of the health insurance committee, but now we're down to about 3 people over the summer, 2 actually if I recall. And then we're at 3 or 4 for next semester. And next semester is when everyone finds out that they now have to pay for health insurance. Yes we are getting a stipend, but it still leaves about $700 that we have to pay. We just need to get on the ball about distributing that information so that I'm not lynched next fall.

Played golf yesterday. Gorgeous day. Came in last in our division by 8 strokes but we still shot a 78 and par is 72, so not bad for a bunch of drunk grad students. And thankfully we had two women in our foursome because those red tees saved our ass a few times. But had a couple good drives, one good chip that was about an inch from going in the hole, and a few good putts. So I think I held up my quarter of the team. And the post golf cookout was delicious and I won a matted print of the 17th hole, the Tiger Paw Hole, so that was an awesome door prize. And all that for only $25. Can't beat a deal like that.

And yes, I did get a nice farmer tan. My forearms are nice and red and my biceps are freckly and white. I did remember sunscreen so my face and neck didn't get too much sun. Skin cancer is actually a real fear for me. My dad had some cut off his forehead and I've had quite a few burns while I was younger and I have freckles and blue eyes. All anti-points for not getting skin cancer. Yes I like double negatives. So I always try and put sunscreen on my face, ears and neck. And if I'm laying out, I add forearms to that to negate the farmer tan, and tops of the feet and behind the knees cuz those hurt like a madman if they're burned. And then after a couple hours, I cover the rest of my exposed body.

I'm converting to Catholicism because Joan wants to get married in a Catholic church, and I don't care. Theoretically as long as I'm still "Christian" I don't think my family will care too much. But they are Southern Baptist so I might be giving them too much credit.

If I was not protestant or catholic, I'm fairly certain I would be a Buddhist. They live in harmony with nature and respect all living things. And who doesn't want to rub the Buddha's belly?

-Lois Einhorn/Ray Finkle, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

So the Catholic Church, or The Church, is going to be electing a new pope. Damn and here Double U thought he had a high stress job being president. I cannot even begin to fathom the butterflies that one would get waiting to see if he or she(yeah right) were to be the new pope.

So Joan and I did a little research and found out how they elect a new pope. A bunch of cardinals gather round and write down who they want to be the new pope. 2/3 plus one are the minimum number of votes needed to become pope. And if no one receives that, then they take another vote. And the number of cardinals voting cannot exceed 120, so I guess it's a first come, first vote kinda thing.

Wow, so basically they keep voting and praying until someone has the votes, but apparently John Paul II changed it so that after 12 or 13 days, the majority will elect the new pope and the 2/3 isn't needed. And then they go ask the new pope if he accepts and what his name will be.

So if you're pope, you get to pick your own name?
Pope Seth the 14th, Pope Peter, Paul & Mary, Pope Lucifer for the whole irony/oxymoron deal and maybe get some Satanist converts, Pope Jerry Falwell (hahahaha, just felt every Southern Baptist cringe at that one, or was it every Catholic?) Pope Britney the 4th (to get the 14 yr olds into church)

I could do that all day. But I'm too evil and Protestant to become pope. But I'm actually converting to Catholicism soon, so keep your fingers crossed.

Unfortunately, not anymore.

Most of the world is mourning the passing of Pope John Paul II.


May 18, 1920 - April 2, 2005

He was 84 years of age.

He is mourned by people all around the globe. He had no wife or children.

So it's April Fools Day. I haven't had a good prank done to me or by me in quite a few years, but it's always nice to see the websites that do it up real nice.

So expect the unexpected today and be skeptical of everyone, YOUR April Fool might be out there right now, waiting, lurking in the shadows.

Here is a list of websites that have gotten into the holiday spirit April Fools!

Almost gave Jack a coronary with my tribute to Johnny Cochran, so I'm counting that as my April Fool.

Today's topic is the farmer tan:

Fine examples of the Farmer tan and my personal favorite is the wife beater tan:


Every summer I strive to not get a farmer's tan. It's relatively simple really. Either apply sunblock to exposed skin, limit going outside, or when outside, remove shirt. Simple, but there are those who choose to ignore these simple instructions and receive the farmer's tan.

A long time ago in a distant land (Cincinasti, OH) there was a youth choir on tour during the summer which was a common occurrence during those days of yore. This choir had a planned outing to an amusement park, Paramount King's Island. An outdoor amusement park with rides and a conjoining water park. A noble hero decided to make a political statement and join in on the hordes of white trash that frequent amusement parks. He decided to don a wife beater that would be worn all day without respite.

Rides were ridden, corn dogs consumed, people mocked, heads were ached, and thus the day was through. Our fearless scout had successfully infiltrated the masses and blended in and the only thing that could've helped his transformation would have been a mullet, but alas, that kind of time was not to be had.

Triumphantly returning to our trusty chariot, Huzzahs! and Kudos! were given all around. But our fearless knight had a dark secret, one that no one had forseen. Under his wife beater he wore no additional protection from the onslaught of harmful solar magic and whence he had removed his garment, it appeared that the garment was still there. What is this? he asked. I have just removed my shirt but it seems to still be on me? And my shoulders and arms have turned a "boiled lobster" red! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! cried our hero! And he crumbled into his throne of shame.

He wore this mark of shame for nearly a fortnight, until his arms had finally peeled enough to restore his milky white luster to his entire body. So let this be a lesson, oh little ones, be prepared to reap what you sow. Or something.

Hope you enjoyed our April Fools medieval/weirdo theater.