Thursday, March 30, 2006


Oh Homey

Better you hear it from me now than from your parents when you're old enough.

-Homer J. Simpson

That was from the Playdude episode with special guest James Caan. And yes Homer did tell Bart about the birds and the bees and he then told most of the other kids in the neighborhood.

Which got me thinking about when I received "The Talk". My brother and I got it at the same time from our dad. I remember it fairly vividly. We were in Costa Rica in our room with our bunkbed. Dad came in and said he wanted to talk. Okay, we said. Little did we know what was in store. It was hardcore. Menstruation, sperm, ovaries, gestation period, the whole nine yards. I was 9 or 10 and my brother was 17 months younger than me, so 8 or 9. There were even sketches involved. Mostly stick figures with stick ovaries and stick fallopian tubes, but we got the picture. I think what started it was we were walking home one day and saw a couple dogs humping in the lot down the street. My brother asked what they were doing because one of the dogs was howling and so my brother thought that the dog was hurting the other dog.

We lived in Costa Rica for a year. It was great. It was also the first time we had a maid. She made the best arroz con pollo I've ever tasted, that's rice with chicken if you don't speaka de spanish. Also the first time I drank coffee. We were at a church service one Sunday night and afterwards they had a little dinner for everyone. And they had coffee. No milk but ass tons of sugar. So I loaded it up, not knowing what the hell I was doing, and it tasted great! Super sweet mixed with the smooth Costa Rican coffee was the perfect way to be introduced into the sordid world of the coffee bean and caffeine.

Taking the train to Puntarenas, hiking to the top of the mountain overlooking San Jose, my dad getting his wallet swiped getting on the bus to go home, hearing him say god dammit for the first time (I think only time, but I'm not 100%), lots of great memories from Costa Rica. I plan to go back. It'll have probably changed a bit since I was there in 1990, but that's okay. I've changed a bit too.


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