Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Open sesame chicken
Maybe I'll do those things for titles this week. I can't remember the category of clue from Wheel of Fortune because I haven't watched that show in over a decade.
I was going to talk about how I associate people with the cars they drive. Usually there are no negative connotations that go along with these, unless you drive a car that is performance-oriented and drive like someone's grandmother. That's bad. It's a BMW. One of the most well designed and best handling cars made. Do not take that turn at the suggested 25 mph, you can do at least 40 around that turn. And there are only a handful of excuses acceptable:
1) I have groceries in the trunk.
2) There are other people in the car who think that by driving fast, I'm trying to kill them.
3) There are kids in the car, not necessarily yours, but kids nonetheless.
4) You actually are a grandmother.
That's it. Otherwise go buy a Toyota Camry and keep the extra 20 grand you saved in a lucite box on the hood so that people can still see all the money you have. Or laminate a bank statement. Or turn that bank statement into a huge all-car vinyl and turn your car into a bank statement. Oh yeah, that's showing off.
But instead I want to write an open letter to Clemson and its staff:
Dear Clemson,
Hey, how's it going? My summer has been great. J went to Orlando last week and I miss her, but she gets back tonight, so it's cool.
The reason I'm writing you today is to point out two major shortcomings. During the first two days of school, you move the bursar's office and financial aid to another building with more space. Wonderful. A great idea so that tons of students don't have to wait outside in line. They can wait in line and purchase some lovely Coca-Cola products. But if you put up a sign that says the hours are from 8-4:30, then fucking have someone there from 8-4:30. Some people get up early to beat the crowds. These people are now morons because they didn't know that 8-4:30 meant "um, whenever we get there-whenever we feel like leaving".
The second thing is everyone's favorite, parking services. I ordered my tag online to "avoid the long lines" that I still have yet to see. I did this to avoid tickets. I have still not recieved my tag. Last week you gave me a temporary, which I appreciate, but when I came in today, you did nothing. You said wait. What about parking tickets? We don't have anything to do with that, but they won't start ticketing until Aug. 29th. Huh, so you don't have anything to do with tickets? Then why do I get a parking pass from you? Why do you know that they won't ticket until the 29th? I'll wait, but you better be right about that ticket thing. And for anyone reading this, she actually meant they won't ticket in commuter cuz they're patrolling faculty parking like bloodhounds.
My little brother showed up yesterday and he'll be hanging out until Friday. Don't know what he wants to do all week, but I gotta work, so I hope it involves the couch and TV. He could go work out on campus, I'll suggest that tomorrow.
Oh yeah, score some more "Why the World Hates Us" points for Pat Robertson, host of 700 Club on one of the Christian channels we get. This is a direct quote if you can believe it.
"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson told viewers on his "The 700 Club" show Monday. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
Um, 10 commandments anyone? It's been a while since I cracked open Exodus, but I'm pretty sure "Thou shalt not kill" is on there.
Also, Chavez is elected. By the people. As in DEMOCRACY. So I guess Pat wants us to take out anyone who we don't like?
Robertson accused Chavez, a left-wing populist with close ties to Cuban President Fidel Castro, of trying to make Venezuela "a launching pad for Communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all over the continent."
Hey Pat, check your CIA data. The majority of Venezuela, and Latin America for that matter, is Catholic. So I don't know where you get your data from, but just because you said Muslim and extremism in the same sentence, doesn't make it true.
And it keeps getting better.
"It's clear from the teachings of the Quran and also from the history of Islam that it's anything but peaceful," Robertson said in a subsequent interview with CNN. "Of course there are peace-loving Muslims. But at the same time, at the core of this religion ... is jihad, and it is to subject the unbelievers either to forced conversion or death. That's what it teaches."
Pat, Christians were as much a part of the Crusades as were the Muslims and we see how that worked out for everybody.
Pat Robertson, Spreading Hate Worldwide
I was going to talk about how I associate people with the cars they drive. Usually there are no negative connotations that go along with these, unless you drive a car that is performance-oriented and drive like someone's grandmother. That's bad. It's a BMW. One of the most well designed and best handling cars made. Do not take that turn at the suggested 25 mph, you can do at least 40 around that turn. And there are only a handful of excuses acceptable:
1) I have groceries in the trunk.
2) There are other people in the car who think that by driving fast, I'm trying to kill them.
3) There are kids in the car, not necessarily yours, but kids nonetheless.
4) You actually are a grandmother.
That's it. Otherwise go buy a Toyota Camry and keep the extra 20 grand you saved in a lucite box on the hood so that people can still see all the money you have. Or laminate a bank statement. Or turn that bank statement into a huge all-car vinyl and turn your car into a bank statement. Oh yeah, that's showing off.
But instead I want to write an open letter to Clemson and its staff:
Dear Clemson,
Hey, how's it going? My summer has been great. J went to Orlando last week and I miss her, but she gets back tonight, so it's cool.
The reason I'm writing you today is to point out two major shortcomings. During the first two days of school, you move the bursar's office and financial aid to another building with more space. Wonderful. A great idea so that tons of students don't have to wait outside in line. They can wait in line and purchase some lovely Coca-Cola products. But if you put up a sign that says the hours are from 8-4:30, then fucking have someone there from 8-4:30. Some people get up early to beat the crowds. These people are now morons because they didn't know that 8-4:30 meant "um, whenever we get there-whenever we feel like leaving".
The second thing is everyone's favorite, parking services. I ordered my tag online to "avoid the long lines" that I still have yet to see. I did this to avoid tickets. I have still not recieved my tag. Last week you gave me a temporary, which I appreciate, but when I came in today, you did nothing. You said wait. What about parking tickets? We don't have anything to do with that, but they won't start ticketing until Aug. 29th. Huh, so you don't have anything to do with tickets? Then why do I get a parking pass from you? Why do you know that they won't ticket until the 29th? I'll wait, but you better be right about that ticket thing. And for anyone reading this, she actually meant they won't ticket in commuter cuz they're patrolling faculty parking like bloodhounds.
My little brother showed up yesterday and he'll be hanging out until Friday. Don't know what he wants to do all week, but I gotta work, so I hope it involves the couch and TV. He could go work out on campus, I'll suggest that tomorrow.
Oh yeah, score some more "Why the World Hates Us" points for Pat Robertson, host of 700 Club on one of the Christian channels we get. This is a direct quote if you can believe it.
"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson told viewers on his "The 700 Club" show Monday. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
Um, 10 commandments anyone? It's been a while since I cracked open Exodus, but I'm pretty sure "Thou shalt not kill" is on there.
Also, Chavez is elected. By the people. As in DEMOCRACY. So I guess Pat wants us to take out anyone who we don't like?
Robertson accused Chavez, a left-wing populist with close ties to Cuban President Fidel Castro, of trying to make Venezuela "a launching pad for Communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all over the continent."
Hey Pat, check your CIA data. The majority of Venezuela, and Latin America for that matter, is Catholic. So I don't know where you get your data from, but just because you said Muslim and extremism in the same sentence, doesn't make it true.
And it keeps getting better.
"It's clear from the teachings of the Quran and also from the history of Islam that it's anything but peaceful," Robertson said in a subsequent interview with CNN. "Of course there are peace-loving Muslims. But at the same time, at the core of this religion ... is jihad, and it is to subject the unbelievers either to forced conversion or death. That's what it teaches."
Pat, Christians were as much a part of the Crusades as were the Muslims and we see how that worked out for everybody.
Pat Robertson, Spreading Hate Worldwide
# posted by Seth @ 7:18 AM 
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